they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
