Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
