Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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