People in love make me want to vomit
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
