By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
