the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
