Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
