I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
