It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
