Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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