Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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