do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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