What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
