But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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