How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
