Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
