The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
