Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
