She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
