I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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