just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
