I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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