I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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