She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
