i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
