Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
