do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
