your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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