I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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