u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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