wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
