handjob tips. give me some.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
