Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
