Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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