So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
