I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
