you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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