I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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