I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You have to summon your inner elephant
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
