Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
