I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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