clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
