Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
