This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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