Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
