At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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