Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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