..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
