So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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