Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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