he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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