I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
