I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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