All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize