Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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