so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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