There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
