Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
