the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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