Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Terrible idea I love it
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
