if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
someone threw a dead crab at me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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