You made me cry and you don't even care
P.S. I can't hear my feet
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
