Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize