So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
