It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love having hate sex.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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