Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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