He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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